The Evolution of Man

(In response to Chivalry)

For millions of years, man has evolved. There are branches of science dedicated to it. There are thousands of books and papers written about it. Mankind as we know it is drastically different even from our ancestors a few hundred years back. Through all of the changes that mankind has gone through, one thing has remained the same...men will chase after women.

Don't Stop Believing!

Now while man throughout the ages has chased after their female counterparts, the method in which they chased after them has evolved along with mankind. Let's take a quick look through the past at mens preferred methods of chasing tail.

First we had the original man, Adam, in the Garden of Eden. Even while he was living in paradise you know what lengths he went to to get a woman? He removed his own rib! I've seen men stoop to low levels to get a girl (like watching Sleepless in Seattle...), but removing a body part? Cracka please.

Then after a few hundred years passed, mankind evolved some more into cavemen. What cavemen realized in their evolved state was that giving up anything to get a woman was worthless. Their preferred method? Clubbing their desired mate over the head and dragging her into the cave. Talk about foreplay!

Wooden Clubs, the worlds first pimp canes

Next up? The middle ages. Men at this point in history were still running with the "take what you can catch" method. Whatever woman happened to be in their path as they pillaged a town ended up on the back of a horse and right into the stable. Oh the good old days.

Eventually the middle ages turned into the renaissance, and this is where we start to see a drastic change in how men were getting women. It was no longer take by brute force, it was paint the girl nude, then sing to her, then swoon her into your loft where you made passionate love instead of goat noises. It was an odd time where artists and painters were ladies men. I know, the thought scares me too.

You can stop believing...

After this brief period of people appreciating the arts, mankind fell back onto some other practices that came in and out of the various historical periods. There were tons of methods to chase tail. For guys who had no game? Whore houses. For guys who were playing a different game? Incest. For those who were too lazy and lived before the days of buying a Russian bride over the internet? Arranged marriages.

Then along came the modern age. The here and now. In our currently evolved state, men have two options in their pursuit of women, they can either be an asshole...

Hey, atleast he'll compliment your rack

Or they can be a metro-sexual!

"So let me get this straight honey...you want everyone to have to guess what my sexuality is?

At some point in history, girls realized they could make guys work for their affection, and they exploited it like the Egyptians exploited slaves. After years of making guys lift every object for them, open every door, work all day to bring the money into the house, and generally be their "strong man," women got bored of this. Enter the feminist. All of a sudden the female population wanted to vote, wanted to have careers, wanted to be independent. They no longer wanted the stereotypical macho-man. Instead they wanted some creature who knew fashion, could wear jeans that would look thin on a Kenyan marathon runner, actually cared about their day, and would listen to all their problems and not need three beers to get through it. Women wanted someone sensitive.

"After I'm done telling you all my problems, I'm going to go sleep with that dude in the Hawaiian shirt"

It is at this point in history that Chivalry died. When women decided they wanted someone more sensitive, men evolved to become that man. Men would wage war for a woman in the past...becoming dangerously close to gay for a woman is hardly as extreme in comparison. So the next time a woman complains about there being no true gentlemen left in this world, look her straight in the eye and tell her, "You did this."

Then proceed to act like a tool and demean her, as that will probably get her to sleep with you.